I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
