I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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