No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
