he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
