smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
