Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
