my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
