Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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