If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
