My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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