I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is not my ceiling
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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