It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
