I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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