Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
