It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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