Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
