Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
