If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
