too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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