Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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