We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize