"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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