You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
