high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
