Someone shit on the floor
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
