i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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