You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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