honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
