i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
