my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
