like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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