her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
