If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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