Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
