Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
