i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
