Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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