Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize