her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
