Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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