I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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