The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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