I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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