Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
