i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
