this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
