i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
