dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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