How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
