I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
