i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
