K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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