okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
