i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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