You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
