my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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