i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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