I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize