Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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