We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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