the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
