I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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