"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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