I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
two words...techno handjob
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
