The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
