I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize