I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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