oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
