Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Come see our sink grown plant.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
