omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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