Who did Billy Mays play for?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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