Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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