Apparently you make a good broom.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
