dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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