I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
