I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize