You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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