Quick, to the slutcave!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
