I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
