Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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