I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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