Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
