I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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