Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
