You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize