i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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