i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
