I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
