No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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