how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
