I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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