i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
