guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
